ryan dell blog

yeah

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this week i wrote about;

THE COMEDY, PARANORMAN, JAWS, JAWS 2, STOP MAKING SENSE, SIDE BY SIDE, INTERSTELLA 5555, and WINTER’S BONE

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the framing device for monsters university is that mike and scully are making love and scully whispers “remember when we did this for the first time” and then the screen goes wavy

this week; AMOUR, DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER, and DOGMA

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Ebert’s reviews were really important to me when I was younger. I didn’t used to actually watch many movies, I would just read the Wikipedia page and IMDb trivia and kind of absorb the idea of the film. Ebert’s reviews were a huge part of that process. I’d read his reviews for movies like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, LETHAL WEAPON, and WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT years before I actually bothered to watch them. I’d read these kinds of reviews over and over, making sure I knew what these movies were before I actually experienced them myself. When I actually saw these movies years later, I’d always go back and reread what Ebert had written, because even when I disagreed with him he was good at making his opinion seem fair. He could explain the movies premise, what was appealing about it, and why it worked, plainly and simply.

Ebert was clear, had strong opinions, and was a great communicator. The weird way he wrote reviews could be really charming. Sometimes, his reviews would mostly be him just reciting the plot of the movie. Sometimes, like for DIE HARD or WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER, he’d get strangely nitpicky and anal. Sometimes he gave great films okay reviews for the funniest, weirdest reasons. I wish I could find that clip online of Howard Stern calling him out for being so fussy about THE GODFATHER PART II, even though he gave PART III a better review.

He was also a great talker. Whenever he got upset on “At The Movies”, or disagreed with someone, his real passion for cinema came through. He cared so much, and he and Siskel’s enthusiasm are probably responsible for bringing the whole new waves of young cinephiles over the last few decades. He was fun to listen to, spirited and passionate.  When watching all the clips of “At The Movies” on YouTube, I always loved the way he referred to “Gene”, always sounding like he was talking to a beloved old friend, or how upset he could look when he had to wait for his turn to talk. 

Ebert’s reviews were fun to read and he was fun to listen to. I’ll miss him.

@ryandeel you literally got paid for sleeping

— Wepeel (@Wepeell)

April 1, 2013

i’ve made more than $750 off of ads on videos of me just sleeping in my bed, because i labelled them as scary movies

just to be clear that last reblog was ironic in context and i don’t actually pretend to cum in peoples mouths on twitter dot com

noface-greenstrong:

chombiechom:

isadultart:

amal-albuloshia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj_Znij3Sug

HAHAHAHAHA

uh

trublu1

My Vid

the oscars are tomorrow so here’s my oscar predics

- the top choice is the “safe” option, the one that won all the other awards this season and seems like the safe vote for Academy members

- the bottom choice is the “crazy” one, a more esoteric option that could either get advertised and screened like crazy and has enough goodwill behind it to possibly win

- the bolded one is my actual prediccy, if the other one wins then i’ll be wrong but at least i had an inkling that one could have been the real winner

okay here we g

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this week; ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI, EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE, and SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

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the scranton office has a goodbye party for jim, he makes a quick little speech about leaving to work at athlead full time and taking the whole family with him

people ask him where pam is, but he just says the kids are really sick and she had to take care of them

he gets in his car and waves goodbye to everybody

the documentary crew starts packing up their stuff for the last time

a cameraman says “wait, i want to get a final interview with pam”

the crew decides to all go to jim’s house to film their final talking head

~

they pull up to the house

all the lights are out, you can hear the kids crying faintly somewhere

the crew starts getting out all their cameras, mics, etc.

all of a sudden they hear a gunshot

the crying gets louder

a cameraman runs up to the house, opens the front door

we see a massive fresh blood stain in the foyer, gun lying strewn to the right

all of a sudden the front door slams and locks behind him - the cameraman is alone, trapped in the house

he looks around for a way out and notices the crying is coming from behind a trapdoor on the floor

he slowly opens it and steps down the ladder to get inside

he finds an entire dungeon underneath the house with blood and rust running down the walls

cece and phillip are hanging naked from the ceiling, suspended on butcher hooks made entirely of yoghurt tin medals

the benjamin franklin impersonator has been crucified on the farmost wall, punished for his flirtacious crimes

michael and holly’s corpses have been taxidermied, wearing torn jester outfits and faded clown makeup

robert california and jo bennett’s decapitated heads lie atop greek podiums, their death a punishment for their greed

as the cameraman keeps looking around, he finds every character who’s left the show has been killed and memorialized here, the sociopathic vengeance of an office drone gone mad

as the panicked cameraman turns around to go back up the ladder, he sees jim, crouched over the entrance

as jim shuts the trapdoor, he looks STRAIGHT into the camera

fin

this week; THE CABLE GUY and CLOUD ATLAS. hey, both those movie titles start with the letter C! i “C” you! Ha ha, just a little joke

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this week; BERNIE

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this week; HOLY MOTORS, SLING BLADE, and THE NAKED GUN

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